Just one time for my peace of mind

Just one time for my peace of mind may I find a solution, to heal the world to save my girls, from all the pain and suffering that awaits them. To change their mind, not be so blind to the people that may wanna hate them. To be comfortable in their skin and the beauty within and put joy in their hearts not hatred. I tell them time and time again one day you will win and be afforded all the greatness you deserve. Just give it some time you will gain peace of mind, and the rest shall follow. In order to help change the world I will start with my girls, and teach them Love not hate. It’s never to late to stop preaching hate. We need to lift each other up in these desperate times, don’t turn a blind eye when you see it’s not right Stand up for someone else, not just yourself This world would be a better place! Give yourself some time for your peace of mind, to help change the world let’s embrace 🙏

All Scrubbed Out!

Whether a cry of joy or of pain these scrubs I wear represent change, someone’s life is changing as we speak I hear cries and moans from the strong and the weak. Our beds are filling up, So is our hearts. I pray for you and I pray for me, that we both get through the day without a single defeat.

I put on my mask both in my heart and my face. I’m scrubbing my palms with tears down my face. Who said I can’t feel , who said I can’t yell! I’m overwhelmed, underpaid and my feet burn like hell.

I don’t know what tommorow may hold I’m in the here and now and our stories need to be told. We are the people who the families go to ,when their in pain. we are the voices of many yet told to stay in our lane Your not the Dr or Nurse you don’t save lives. What? Says who. Who told you those lies? I am your provider your seeker the one you call on for help I am the backbone of this company, I help you make your wealth!

I am the toe tagger the body bagger! Shit I help you save face! I’m the one who makes it clean, Yeah the one you put in between, but you can’t look me in my face. No I don’t hide, I’m full of Pride, all up and down this place. Yeah I’m all Scrubbed out without a doubt even when I bring you toothpaste!

Behind this mask I’m truly unmasked. I just hope you know it! So please don’t come at me with that medical degree cause you still don’t know the half!

Anger or Disappointment

Today I am full of something I just don’t know what. Is it anger or Disappointment either way I flip the coin I’m feeling some type of way! I was put in a position to help family out and they screwed me over long story short I’m stuck owing over three grand in rental fees for a place I don’t live at anymore. I tell myself that’s what you get for helping people out, but then I say it’s just in your nature, a caregiver.

Sometimes I feel disappointed because I can’t believe how family would do you this way. But then again I’m angry because they acting like it’s ok, they still living there. The reaction I got was somebody gonna have to put me out! Can u believe it? The nerve the audacity to say that about a place you haven’t paid rent in for months. Why do people feel the need to take advantage of people’s kindness?

My mental state has not been the same since this happened I have been depressed and I don’t know why I’m letting it bother me so much. Maybe because it’s family, the same people I helped,I now have to love from a distance. I now have to put up a guard to protect my heart, my head and my finances. I expect this from a stranger but not from family..

Today I am angry and disappointed, I guess it’s ok to be both. Has this happened to anyone else? What did you do?

Footprints on the Moon 🌑

Growing up in the projects of NY was an experience that most people in poverty wanted to escape. The way many minorities coped was through drugs, which also lead to abusive behavior, sexually, physically, mentally. Many hopes and dreams are shattered in the projects. When your home life is messed up you don’t wanna be there, it leads you to the streets! That was a way of escaping. That was the time when you see so many other people’s life was just as bad as yours. That’s when you realize those potted meat sandwiches was not so bad at all because at least you had something.

I wasn’t afforded the luxuries some of my friends had. I was not taught how to take care of myself ,at the age of 12 my mom was still doing my hair, washing my clothes by hand, My Mom would make sure I had what I needed to live but she didn’t give me the tools I needed to survive! I learned the basics from the streets, my friends who was more advanced then me,who knew more about life experiences than I did,yet we were all the same age, we learned differently.

The streets taught me how to be the one thing that I was not, Strong! I wasn’t prepared for any of the things that I needed to know. I wasn’t aware of who I was, what I wanted to be, The tools I needed to live in today’s society. All I knew is that when my mom died I had no choice. She died in 1996 when biggie smalls came out with the song the sky is the limit and I was motivated by that I was determined to do something for myself. The first thing I taught myself was nobody gonna take care of me like me. And that was because all the broken promises, the feeling of being let down was just becoming too repetitive in my life.

Majority of minority children are not given the tools they need to survive,we are not taught about finances, building credit, financial wealth, Hell we lived paycheck to paycheck, how can we afford saving anything let alone putting our kids on our line of credit to get them started we had no credit. Every check went to bills it went to rent not even a mortgage but rent to live in low income housing. Those same projects I lived in as a kid is now $2200 a month people are paying that much to live in the projects and something is definitely wrong with that picture.

Now that I’m older with kids on my own. I understand now that my mom did the best she could with the circumstances she was given and it trickled down from generation to generation she could not teach me what she wasn’t taught, so then in return how could I teach mine? Times have changed a little I mean I pay for a house now over 1000 a month. By next year I should have my own house I’m tired of paying someone else’s mortgage. My rent has never been missed even in a pandemic but I can’t go in the bank and get a mortgage because What? I wasn’t given the tools or had no help along the way, or is that just excuses I worked all my life have 2 cars, I work in healthcare and, I go to school fulltime with a full-time job. And I talk to my kids every day about saving money getting their credit right and the responsibilities of adult hood, as far as I know it. But most importantly I am alive and well.

I am a work in progress and everyday I strive to be better, or do something differently. You are never to old to learn everyone is teachable. I will never forget my past because it made me who I am today, Determined! So whether it’s biggie smalls or anyone else. Don’t Tell Me The Sky Is The Limit When There Are Footprints On The Moon

Today I

Today I am stuck in between, feeling anxious and exhausted. I am not feeling like myself the joyful happy person I have grown to Love. I engulf myself with other people’s mess, I try and listen but then I take on their burden, even though I have my own. I’m usually good at just listening and leaving my emotions out of it but not today
Today I am knee deep in emotions your mess makes me realize my own life ain’t as perfect as I want it to be. Now I need someone to listen to me now, someone to carry my baggage along with theirs. The same thing I have done for so many years. Today I need a listening ear some good solid advice, a shoulder to cry on , an uplifting word. A moment of someone else’s time, or just a moment of silence. Today I realized I also need help, I have just as many problems like every other person out here. All while I am saying Today I, Im also aware that Today I need! We all want to be there for others, but we also have to take the time out for ourselves. It’s ok to need help and ask for it. So yes Today I, but tomorrow can be you! #mentalhealth#awareness

Seeds of yesterday

Like a flower in bloom we are learning our way. We are growing and blossoming day after day, Someone once planted a seed in my mind one day, that had me thinking I was undeserving, so I stood in my own way. A thorn in my side was what I would say Who are you to plant those seeds anyway? Today I stand tall and firm and I might even sway, Yeah that’s just me waving goodbye to that seed you planted that day

Scrub Life Blues

Scrub life blues is basically feelings of anxiety or stress related to being a technician in a world full of nurses and doctors. We sometimes fall short on the first responders acknowledgement that is well deserved. We bathe, talk to a check the vital signs for patients we are the eyes and ears of the medical field. We are the people our patients talk too. During the pandemic it’s been especially hard for us We watched as patients and their families suffered. We became overworked, overwhelmed because all the workers that quit. We still suffer from anxiety and anxiousness. I contracted covid at work and was out for 6 weeks I felt abandoned by my job the same people that was all about helping others turned there back on me. I was out with no pay , no hazard pay nothing I couldn’t even feed my own child. The job that I loved to do became exhausting. I never thought anything could make me not like my position but the pandemic had me feeling that way. I struggled with bills being under quarantine from my 8 yr old watching her through the window and I couldn’t do what I do best,which is care for her. The thing I do for everyone else I couldn’t do for my own daughter. I returned to the same hospital once I got better I returned because my patients needed me, and I needed them too. We didn’t ask for this but we deal with the circumstances were given. I am grateful to be able to take care of others. I learn new things daily I also see the ups and downs and inequalities in the work force. I am still have anxiety But I also know that in the end My blessings will come. You never know what someone is going through,so be kind to one another. If someone reaches out to you extend your hand. You never know how strong your arm can be in pulling them up!

Scrub life

Trying to find your way as a technician in a world full of nurses making your vision known, your voice heard and your tears to a minimum. We are the eyes and ears of the sick and injured, yet we are silent and unheard. How do we lift each other up? How do we shine amongst others? Is there anybody listening? #scrublife #zerotohero #loveiskey #lifteveryvoice

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